MILES TABIBIAN
How has having routine and discipline played a big role in your life?
It’s been a journey to get to where I am, I definitely haven’t had routines my whole life. I've tried and failed in being consistent. It took a while to build mental discipline. What I noticed about myself is that I only have a certain mental capacity in a day. The more routines I can set, the more they go on autopilot, so I have the mental capacity for things that matter. Especially things like working out, cooking, finances, things I have to do repetitively but I don’t have to reinvent every day. One less decision I have to make. Mental energy.
What are a few of your breakthrough moments?
It’s been an evolution. For the past 5 years, every year I’ve gotten better and better. I was a D student throughout high school. I wrote a blog post on this because I reflected a lot. It started when I was in 2nd grade through 12th grade. I was always behind. I felt like I was stupid. I would do everything I could to improve, especially in math. I went to a community college, my dad didn’t let me go to a university. He said you’re not good enough, if you prove it you can go. I looked around me in community college and I was like, “You know what, I don't want this. I want bigger things in my life.” Something happened when I just started hustling. I started getting good at calculus, then I became a tutor. Then things began to fall in place, I transferred to the University of Houston and even worked at NASA. I learned that I wasn’t defined by my previous situation and that I could change it.
Another breakthrough moment was when I lost both of my parents, 2009 and 2010. It’s one of those moments that made me question what's the most important thing in life. Is it your relationships and enjoying day to day. This was a huge moment. I refer to it as a quake. I had to question “Why am I working, who am I doing it for? What does MILES want?” Losing my parents forced me to think about what makes me happy and recognize that if you die, you can get hit by a bus tomorrow. It’s important to think about every day, you have to hug the people you love because you don’t know if you have tomorrow.
Here’s an interesting one. The whole thing with my parents, I tried working for a few years. That’s when I was at Accenture. I wasn’t producing good work. I was like what the hell was wrong with me. I quit and went to Spain and then came back and worked at a venture firm. I dated a girl in Spain and it was the first time I met someone who had side hustles, she was working 400,000 to 500,000 a month. Before I was always like I can never do that, then I saw behind the scenes what it took to succeed. It did trigger something in me...if I want a life different from other people then I have to do things differently from other people. You have to sacrifice something. Maybe you can’t go out on Friday night. That was a point when I was like, “I have to figure out what my dreams are. I am not going to get any younger. She taught me that it is going to take a long time and you have to start now.”
What does it mean to be strong?
My dad shared this quote with me: MLK “True test of a person is not how they act in times when things are going well but how they act in conflict and controversy.” When shit hits the fan, they still have composure. That’s the ultimate test. The mind is the hardest to control. If you can be composed and think clearly. You can have everything going for you and everyone telling you that you're strong, but if you don’t believe it yourself it doesn’t matter.
How do you find strength? Where do you find strength in?
What comes to mind is, definitely the people around me. First, is my best friend growing up. The blog, “Make Sweet Lemonade”.
In high school, I was this tiny guy. My best friend was this strong guy and a linebacker, no one messed with me. He taught me “Who gives a fuck what people think, don’t try to be cool, just be true to who you are and people will be attracted to you.” No matter what happens, our windows would be smashed and he would be like “Fuck it, we don’t need to worry about our AC now.” My friends were a source of strength for me.
Find the silver lining. It’s a good outlook on life. It’s a stoic philosophy: You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you feel about it. You can choose to be happy. I should celebrate my parents' passing away and their life. I don’t have to be sad, I can do something about it. I am human and flawed also.
In what ways do you wish you could be stronger?
I have so many. The journey on personal development. The more I learn about myself and the world, the more I learn how little I know. I think I have a lot of internal work to do. That's an area I should be...not necessarily stronger… I need to work on my mind a bit, not sure.
This is not some beautiful amazing answer. It’s just the reality. I think I should probably work on relationships with my little sister, for instance. I think I can be a better brother. I do think I’m a good brother as is but I think there's always room for improvement. What comes to my mind is that humans mimic the way I was treated by my dad, mom, and older sister is how I treat my little sister.
Subconsciously I would say something and not feel like it’s me. Knowing that the mind is so complex, mastering the mind is the hardest thing ever. Even though I treat her well I could probably do better. I’ve never taken the time to see a therapist about my therapy. I went once and thought I would never need to do this. They asked me one question, the tears just came out. I don’t know what happened. I could probably be a better person. It might help me in the future like how I treat my future wife and children.
The balance between the present and also focusing on what you want in the future. Letting it drive what you’re doing today. I struggle with what I want 5 years from now, but am I enjoying my 30s and getting hit by a bus and never getting to 40. You have to enjoy the moment and also plan for the future.
I dated a therapist once and she taught me so much about the importance of communication and the difficulty of communication. It taught me a lot and it’s a lot of work.
Where do you think your strengths lie?
Going back to what I said, maybe because it’s what I've been through. It’s easy for me to see the bright side of things. Not just in situations but in people too. I can see the potential in people. I went from D student to engineer, so I know people can do more than they think they can.
I like to help people understand that you are stronger than you think you are and you just have to recognize that and be willing to go after that. I enjoy helping people gain confidence in it. I see potential, I don’t see where they are at. I don’t care where they are.
Discipline. It’s been a journey, but now I'm fairly disciplined, and if I put my mind to something I just know what it takes. Motivation is fickle. There are just days I don’t want to work out. Most days I don’t want to. I just focus on my goal and that’s what gets me there.
I know how to motivate people because I believe in them. I played basketball growing up and I had to get people to do something. Maybe it’s persuasion. I’ve gotten good at that.
How do you give others strength?
You have a voice in your head that’s critical of you but that’s not reality. I think it’s helping people understand it’s tough. I understand why Ray Dalio wrote the Principles book. You can learn something at this moment but you’re going to forget it 2 days later. It’s inspiring people to remember what their strengths are and see the positive in others. I enjoy that and remind them that you’re a fucking badass architect. You know what I mean? For me, it’s my duty because people have done this so many times for me. It’s like sometimes you need it. I truly believe that “You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with” even when Mr. Positive needs someone to shake them because I need to be shaken. I’m just paying it forward.